your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They have beer where we have blood.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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