Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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