So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We're too hungover to prance.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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