I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
send nudes
from the living room?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
