I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
