I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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