I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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