I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
