Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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