in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
