So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
