Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
