please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
