i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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