Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
