i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
