I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I will die if light touches me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
