I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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