drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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