it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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