Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
