Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
