Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
