I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is wine microwaveable?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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