Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
