Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
