Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
