I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
