Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
