Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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