There was a lot of him and a little penis
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He did a backflip because drugs
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
