how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
