She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
