i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
