guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
