yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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