I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
