After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
