he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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