you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
