You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
