I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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