I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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