so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
