The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
