sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
