if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
