I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
