You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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