You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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