I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
