btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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