..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
