Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You did what with his pubic hair?
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