I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
