You're my little dorito
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
