Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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